I watched the Iowa Caucuses on Tuesday evening and, until now, I have never considered the remotest possibility that the sky might fall, but the way things are going, that seems just as likely to happen as the other mind-boggling events transpiring across my television screen.
Michele Bachman – is there a more stupid woman in public office than this crone? She reminds me of Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean hotel heiress who finally died, to everyone’s great relief. I find myself wondering if reincarnation isn’t maybe more than just a theory.
Newt Gingrich is proof you can never go home again, and whyever would you want to, when you keep running into this old fart sitting around crying in public when he isn’t papering over the cracks in his character.
Herman Cain of Georgia, has two major flights of fantasy: that women just can’t get enough of him, and that if any fool can be president then why not him? This guy was apparently former chair of the federal reserve bank of Kansas City Omaha branch and former chair of the federal reserve bank of Kansas City, yet two more reasons to lynch every American banker you know for the mess they have left behind.
Rick Perry, the Governor of Texas also called Crotch Perry because he wears jeans so tight you can count every wrinkle and pubic hair in the bulge he wears so prominently. Called by many the worst governor in Texas history, he couldn’t remember the three federal agencies he would eliminate if he was elected president. All right then.
Ron Paul is everyone’s favorite 79 year old candidate. When my grandfather started to suffer from old age he retired. Paul is cleaning out his mind and putting forward all of the stuff of a lifetime – see anything you like folks? Vote for me and you can have it.
Rick Santorum – cute as a bug, earnest. So why did the voters of Pennsylvania throw him out of the House of Representatives in the last election? So if you aren’t good enough to be a Congressional Representative then why not run for President? We’re having the water tested this week.
Mitt Romney – what can you say about a guy named Mitt? Watch peoples’ lips curl as they say his name. Watch the disdain most show in his presence. Watch the Republicans hold their noses and vote for him because he’s the only candidate who is even remotely in touch with reality. But they can’t stand him.
How did we get here? More importantly, how in the hell do we escape?
